Sunday, December 27, 2009
lay in fields of grass looking at the sky
ride more bikes
wear as much color as possible
grow a serious force-to-be-reckoned-with strawberry patch
eat more ice cream
plant more flowers
feel my bare feet in the beach sand often
what i've learned or learned more of in 2009: things are what you make them, life is challenging but worth it, life is complicated but worth it...and even more so Because it's complicated...., it's good to cut the strings to your past sometimes, friends are SO SO SO valuable, always find time for the things you are passionate about, learn to feel gratitude daily even for the simple things because this is what often determines your mood and joy in life, laugh....a lot, take risks, have fun even if your life isn't exactly as desired....laughter, silliness, funny faces, dancing, and playing is a necessity.
clearly 2009 was yet another year of growth.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
It's not that easy bein' green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves,
When I think it might be nicer being red, or yellow,
Or something much more colorful like that
It's not easy bein' green
It seems you blend in with so many other
And people tend to pass you over,
'cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles
on the water,
or stars in the sky
But green is the color of spring
And green can be cool and friendly like
And green can be big like an ocean
Or important like a mountain
Or tall like a tree
When green is all there is to be,
It could make you wonder why.
But why wonder, why wonder?
I am green, and it'll do fine
And I think it's what I want to be.
~Kermit the frog
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
looking back through old journals and notebooks i see how hopeful i was years ago. i believed that people were good, life worked out...if only you believed it would. i now know none of that is true. people aren't always good. they don't do the right things all the time. life isn't fair. bad things happen to everyone. experiences, even with good intentions, can bring pain...suffering...disappointment. so what do we do? how can we prevent this? we do nothing. we can't prevent it. we will suffer. we will be disappointed. we will let ourselves down, and others will let us down. we do it anyway. we live anyway. we love anyway. we risk anyway. we get up every day, make our coffee or tea, and we walk out that door facing adversity with every step we take. we keep a brave face most of the time. if we're good at it, we hide our insecurities, our deep rooted issues and anxieties, and we survive. why? because sometimes, almost always, love conquers hate. love conquers fear. hope outweighs doubt. hope is rooted in a part of us that no fear or anxiety can touch. hope is otherworldly. it is light, not dark. it is real. it radiates. it is contagious. it is necessary. it is what keeps us alive. hope.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
At times i think i create too many lists...so i quit for awhile....and then i stop sleeping as well...feel more chaotic...can't seem to focus on one task for too long. it's funny because most of the time i end up doing everything else in the world but what's on the list...but somehow this rebelling against the list gets thing done. almost seems to motivate me more. so i continue to make them because that's what i do....that's what we all do. we all have these things about us, things we do in our everyday lives that make us who we are. but instead of having everything mapped out...i have started adding something else to my daily lists....it started awhile back when i read this quote, "you can't expect anything unexpected to happen, if you never do anything unexpected"....so i write down a slot, a space, 'the unexpected'....because inevitably the unexpected ALWAYS happens...even if it's not today, it will tomorrow. it can come in the form of bad news, good news, a visit from a friend, an opportunity to socialize, inspiration that makes you seize the moment and create instead of wash dishes, a sunny day that leaves you craving fresh air instead of staying in.....the unexpected IS life. it can lead you ironically to what in the big picture is 'planned' for your life.....if you choose to seize it. embrace it. relish and wallow in it. the unexpected is breaking out in dance when the moment strikes. it's giving hugs because you must...because you feel it....it's a life that is full....
anyway....so give yourself room to dance around with the unexpected. cause it's gonna come anyway. whether you 'plan' for it or not.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
my dilemma has always been a desire to have a home that is comfy-inviting-well stocked-ready to entertain guests-warm-with fun decor/kitchenware/etc OR simplifying my belongings down to the bare necessities ready to welcome change, new location, travel, etc. I have battled this for years. I want to be able to pack up and go somewhere at the drop of a hat...but my messy disorganized has-too-much-stuff self continues to hold me back. or maybe it's just being disorganized that encumbers me.
i vow from here on out to rid my life of the random things i have....even if they are books, or nifty things that i do use occasionally....i don't NEED all the colorful oh so fun bowls/plates/etc that i adore looking at but really truly only create problems with finding space for them. these things don't define me....they don't make me cool, or more prepared, or anything at all, except more weighed down. if i read a book, i will pass it on to someone else. if i have art supplies i haven't used in months i will either make the time to use them or i will give them to someone that will....(this is a hard one cause sometimes i have things for over a year and then find the *perfect* crafty thing to do with them).
as a person who enjoys changing it up every now and then (repainting a wall a different color, repainting furniture to suit my mood, change out kitchen plates and mugs i use, curtains, etc), this will be a hard task to accomplish. but i will. in the long run it isn't going to matter what material things i've surrounded myself with, but whom i surround myself with...what decisions i make to make my life more joyful and positive, how i challenge my own personal growth as i get older, what risks i choose to take......this is what i want my life to be....and if getting rid of objects that hold no significance hold the key in exploring that more then so be it.
the thing is, is that i'm not married, i have no kids, i have no real obligations that are holding me back. i have only myself that does. the desire to have a family or a home hasn't increased as i've gotten older (though some still insist that i'm in denial...whatever), the only thing that has is the deep embedded soulful desire to explore, to see, to do, to be out in nature, to be on the road, to share, to love, to be happy........i have no idealistic ideas or romantic notions that this will drastically change my life.....i only have a desire to be at peace with the world around me.....anyway, this is what's on my mind this sunny Sunday afternoon.....
Thursday, October 1, 2009
1. the color orange that is in pumpkins, the changing leaves on trees, flowering mums, and sweet potato casserole!
2. anticipation of thanksgiving food
3. the smell of school supplies and start of school....books, pencils, crayons, freshly cut grass on football fields
4. windows open in the car and house
5. the planting of bulbs to bloom in spring
6. roasting marshmallows
7. building fires...burning leaves..and the smell of it all
8. corn mazes!!
9. hot chocolate
10. reading more books
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
all day i have felt this energy vibrating through me. you know how you can sense a change brewing....something stirring....i'm sure it has a lot to do with my birthday coming up, but even still, its there.
perhaps it also has to do with going to the north carolina mountains this past weekend....there was a chill in the air come evening and it felt like fall...knowing seasons will be changing stirs this as well.
how do we sense these things? maybe some of us can't. maybe some of us are just more aware. some resist, some embrace it.
i think being almost 31 is a stepping stone. times goes by faster. priorioties shift and change. new ideas are formed. new desires....some you didn't even realize you had.
i'm looking forward to finding out more. the older you get the more a calmness comes over you. you are more brave. but in other ways more scared. instead of when you are younger and minutes go by so slow, now months fly by, even a year passes by in a blink. you look away and you miss out on experiences you could have had. there is no time for hesistation....
i remember being so scared of splash waterfalls when i was young....it took hours to convince me to ride it, when i finally did it became one of my favorite rides at six flags, still is. this is usually the case with most things in life, with most people.
not anymore. life is a roller coaster park, and i intend on riding every ride.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
yes yes yes to life.
though my dreams at night have been surrounded by death and death/dying themed for some reason, my daily life has been a resounding YES! perhaps it has something to do with creating more, working with colorful beads, the sun, eating more fresh raw veggies....either way, i need it.
so there has been lots of "celebrity" deaths this past week....why is everyone so shocked??? it happens to everyone. why not folks in the public eye? WHY is it such a shock?? it baffles me. i honestly don't get the disbelief some folks have. anyway. we move on from this life....where? i'm not sure...i am curious though to find out at some point, whether its sooner or later doesn't matter.
i am on a mission to learn how to play music. my soul SCREAMS for it. if i can't sing, i'll play. i'm pricing instruments right now. i have a keyboard, harmonica, guitar..but i am thinking banjo is right up my alley.
i'm off to create more and list clearance earrings in etsy shop
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
my friend Justin makes skeleton key wind chimes......you should all go take a look. he also plays music! you should all go take a listen.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
anyway, on a positive note, i have been able to take lots of photos, which i've been wanting to do for quite some time. i've been able to dance, laugh, cut up with new and old friends.
on the other hand....with all these weddings and having babies, moving on......it makes you question just a tad where you stand in your own life. do i want what everyone else seems to want? is that right for me? etc etc.
I went to shelly and will's wedding this past weekend. the above picture is where they got married. stunning, right? even though it was a social event, the rustic natural beauty of this place swept me away....i felt at home and completely at ease. we danced in a barn with a tin roof while the rain poured down. flowers were EVERYWHERE! if you've never been to Neverland Farms in Cleveland Georgia, i would suggest you go...especially right now when everything is green and in bloom.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the prescence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
people get sick.
we fall down.
there are betrayals. lies. hurts.
we lose our jobs.
we have to evacuate our homes.
we get to appreciate them and nurture what we have.
we get back up.
we learn from relationships.
we keep those loyal and true even closer to us.
we seek out a new opportunity.
we find out how much people care.
there is usually always a silver lining. we just have to look for it sometimes.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
a constant battle to find balance between different areas in my life. the creating always wins out though.
still in the process of clearing out my physical surroundings of 'stuff'. i need room to grow, to move, to breathe, to not worry about these things i own. anyone who knows me well, knows that i move constantly. i get restless. once i get settled, i feel it necessary to move. i don't know why this is. i love having a place of my own, creating a nook that inspires me.....i just hate being closed in....i'd love it if i could have a house with glass walls......i want to see the outside. i crave fresh air, open windows, breezes, birds chirping, smelling flowers......i would wither away if i lived in a city. same goes for clothes....i wear tank tops and flip flops....though i would rather go barefoot all the time. i hate winter because of heavy clothes. i like airy, flowing....open meadows, beach/ocean as far as the eye can see, long roads that lead to anywhere. i think it's about the feeling of freedown...of possibility....of not being held back.
one of the best feelings i've ever had in my life was sky diving. pure ecstatic joy. freedom. giving up a sense of security.....jumping out of an airplane knowing anything could happen....if you've done it as well, you know what i'm talking about....if you never have, then words will never be able to express how amazing the experience is.
i'm off to goodwill to give away more 'stuff'.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
embrace who you are.
value yourself and what your friends bring out in you.
instead of being jealous, let other women's beauty inspire you and make you feel proud to be a woman.
own who you are.
surround yourself with positive strong vivacious women. i do.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I am listening to the Grateful Dead station on Sirius, drinking a Black and Tan, and contemplating how clear my mind and heart are getting the more I get rid of. Yesterday was spent doing some epic cleaning and clearing out. I hung curtain rods and vibrant colorful sheer fabric....which is what i tend to do to save money instead of spending an insane amount of money on curtains, and this way I can change out "curtains" depending on my mood and the season. The yellow, orange, green, and red striped fabric looks amazing with the freshly painted green kitchen wall. (pics coming soon)
I have learned by example from my old roommate Michelle that caddy cornering furniture warms up a room...it's inviting and so much 'softer' to the eye. Plus, it gives a 'flare' to your rooms that otherwise is lost. So, I caddy cornered my bed today in the hopes that sleep becomes more inviting rather than tossing and turning.
Michelle's wedding is coming up in a few days and I can't help but think about the directions we choose to travel in life. Some fall into a pattern of thinking that life just happens to us, that all the bad circumstances and what not make us a victim of these unfortunate events. Yes, unfortunate things happen...but we choose our reactions. We choose where we go from there.
I think we pick up habits, good or bad, to mask emotions inside of us we would rather not deal with. We go shopping, we drink, we continue to choose the wrong person in love, we eat too much or not enough, we watch excessive amounts of tv to distract ourselves from the fact our lives are boring or not what we planned...etc etc....the list goes on. BUT we can choose the good habits too....we can pretend we are not stressed until we actually become less anxious...we can clean when we are upset, we can paint a wall green to evoke happy feelings when we wake up to make coffee every morning, we can learn to value the simple things of life rather than pine after more and more...we can use mason jars as vases (which in my opinion are WAY better than some store bought expensive one), we can pick wildflowers, we can gather with friends to cook dinner instead of lamenting on the fact we don't have money to go out to eat......
life is a constant journey of growth. of change. of embracing who you are and those you love. it's a letting go of the things that hinder that growth. we become who we are by understanding life is what we make it. we choose it. so i raise my glass to michelle and david, and all of you out there, in the hopes that we can always see the 'sunny side of life' in whatever path we choose to go down.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Simplicity has been my theme this week. I have created a new style of necklaces that fit my mood, and I have been pleased with how "simple" they are.
I've been thinking a lot about what is left behind when something is stripped down....exposed....about what is there when the light shines on something that has been in the shadows for too long. Is there something ugly lingering that seems even more hideous when it's illuminated, or is it a flower that begins to flourish once 'exposed' ?
That is all for now.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
I go through phases; restless, or pretty content. There is usually no in between. Lately it's been the restless phase. Nothing seems to keep my attention, no food satisfies me, a constant state of craving something that I don't know what it is...food speaking and life speaking. These are the days that I want to rid myself of belongings..which leads to many goodwill boxes, change something physically about me (through hair cuts, hair dyes, clothes, something), a longing to free myself of attachments, I usually distance myself from the people in my life....the withdrawal usually stems from the need to recharge, the need to center myself....lots of behaviors that go on in the restless phase. Though some might see this as an unhealthy behavior....I have learned to see it as an amazing opportunity to "reboot" so to speak. Yes, it's frustrating to me and especially to those in my life, but it's absolutely necessary. It enables me to see where I need to simplify my life, or what area I need to add some fire to. A process of reevaluation can be a good thing. Where am I at? What direction do I want to be heading in? What can I let go of? What do I need to bring into my life? Am I happy or do I need to rethink what I thought I wanted? Am I being true to who I am, and most importantly, are my behaviors and daily activities benefiting me in healthy ways?
All of this is pointless though if my expectations of life, or expectations I place on others are unrealistic and too demanding. Honestly you can hope for the best, but we have no control over what life brings us for the most part. We can only react to the situations that play out in our life. It's a beautiful thing indeed.
"The art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
You're life isn't what you thought it would be...not at this age...living in this place...the way you look....who you are with....whatever it is. SO WHAT?? It is what it is at this point. You aren't dead yet, so change it. Even if you can't make one HUGE change, make one small one (cause after all most things worth having or doing happen little by litte usually...you just need patience).
one step at a time
one drop at a time
one smile at a time....
will change your world. because life is for the living. so live it.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
FROM A CHILDHOOD
Rich darkness round the room was streaming
where the boy sat, quite hidden in himself.
His mother came, a dream within his dreaming,
and a glass quivered on a silent shelf.
Feeling the room had given her away,
she kissed him--"So it's you" --and let him be...
Then both glanced at the piano timidly,
for often of an evening she would play,
and had a song that drew him deep and clung.
He sat there very still. His large gaze hung
upon her hand which, under bright rings bowing,
as though with labor through a snow-drift plowing,
over the white keys softly swung.
~Rainer Maria Rilke
I am reading Rainer Maria Rilke this week....trying to get into the frame of mind for blog writing. Making jewelry, enjoying the 70 degree weather here in Georgia this weekend...it's the beginning of Feb. and I am wearing a tank top, shorts, and have all the windows open at 9:30 at night. I am in love with life on days like these.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
With strokes that ring clear and metallic, the hour
to touch me bends down on its way:
my senses are quivering. I feel I've the power--
and I seize on the pliable day.
Not a thing was complete till by me it was eyed,
every kind of becoming stood still.
Now my glances are ripe and there comes like a bride
to each of them just what it will.
There's nothing so small but I love it and choose
to paint it gold-groundly and great
and hold it most precious and know not whose soul it may liberate...
~Rainer Maria Rilke
I don't have many words today. Somehow this blog started messing up and after many attempts of trying to fix it I had to start over. Fortunately I only had a couple of entries, since it's brand new. A bit discouraged today...but nothing I won't pull through.
Some parting words....
"It is always my wish that you might find enough patience within yourself to endure, and enough innocence to have faith...Believe me, life is right in all cases." ~yet another Rainer Maria Rilke