Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
i am trying to find balance in my life. i have now set a work schedule that i want to abide by in order to do the stuff i want to do....simple things like yard work, watch a movie, go pick blackberries, hang out with friends, paint my nails, read a book, give more solid time for learning a new language..or a new instrument...etc....
i always feel like i have to work work work to make money....and if enough isn't coming in i work even more. i can't live that life anymore. i have to give my life room....i have to give *myself* room to roam about, discover new interests or to pursue the things i want more experience in.
i took a weekend off of facebook and the internet in order to regain some perspective. if i am not working in the shop, i refuse to give any extra time that i actually do have to facebook. that isn't life. for right now i am not deactivating my facebook account....i do like it for staying connected...but i will not be logged on all the time like i have been. when i'm working, i will be working....when i'm playing, i will be playing.....no more multi-tasking constantly. it doesn't give me a sense of calm.
my weekend was spent cooking really yummy meals, hanging out with friends, playing games, throwing out wildflower seeds anywhere i could, watching some of the first season of Brothers and Sisters on netflix, i organized the kitchen cabinets, rearranged and created a new look... the list goes on and on. i was really really happy. i even enjoyed the rainy stormy weather.
right now i am going through some of my stuff that has been packed up that i intended on keeping....but with all this 'letting go' i feel like i am quite ready to release even more.
i am looking forward to some changes....
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
so, my word of the 2011 year started out being Release....which i haven't been doing enough of.......it was supposed to be release and emerge, with the emerge part coming into play the 2nd part of the year....but here i am still in the release part of it.
this week has changed some things...not sure why. maybe it isn't even "this week"...it's just this week that it's all shifted into place.
i am finally willing to release some of the crafty stuff i have. supplies that i don't use must go...even if i might use it one day. i don't use it enough to keep it. truth is, i WANT to get back to a simple way of creating and doing things. i am tired of being a consumer.....i am tired of having things...even supplies. i never thought i would get to that point. even my idea of being creative has shifted and changed.
what has become important to me isn't what i ever thought would. not that it wasn't a love before....it's just become a source of peace and deep joy for me now....cooking, slicing, dicing veggies, starting seeds, gardening, planting, taking photos.............
the things that have shifted and either fizzled away or have gotten placed way in the back of priorities have been having things....all these things i have accumulated to put in a home....the things i have that "organize", a ton of clothes/shoes, ridiculous amounts of kitchenware to throw these dinner parties that i haven't thrown in years. even the desire of having a house has changed.....maybe it's because my attachment to things and wanting things has slowly faded, and now needing a place to have all this isn't as important anymore. don't get me wrong, i still want a nook that i can have things i love......but my idea of this has changed.
what was important a few years ago was having the perfect plates, cups, serving trays ...the things needed to create a festive environment.....this has become not as important, rather it's focusing on having the great guests ....surrounding myself with good people, good music, good food.....
i have learned to focus on the substance on life, rather than the package...if that makes sense.
anyway, this is where i am right now......and i like it.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
hopefully at some point we begin to accept who we are, what we look like.....and cast away all that we will never be....we accept what we think are our "flaws"...and then we can begin to get on with life.
things i've started to accept....
i will never have a small nose. hehe. i have the nose i have.....move on.
my skin will never be perfectly clear....i might not have perfect skin, but i do have thick full hair that i should be happy for....but honestly, who cares right?.....
in younger years i would look at a mirror and see what i didn't like.....of course i would also see what i did, but more often than not, i saw what i thought were my flaws. i still do....especially getting older.....
i'm learning to be gentle with myself. My thoughts aren't with outside appearance anymore....it's in the real stuff...."how kind was i today?....did i laugh?....how can i bring more joy into my life and others?...."
More often than not though, the mirror doesn't see my face that much anymore. I just am who I am. What a waste of time it is to wish you had someone else's features instead of your own.
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
- Johann von Goethe
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
— Rainer Maria Rilke
clarity...this elusive thing in my life. the more i simplify the more clear i get on what i DON'T want in life....
i'm conflicted. i want this, i want that. i want to be here, i want to be there.
what i do know is that i want to begin again. let go of what was....
i'm having a big sale in the shop right now....marked down tons of earrings and necklaces. i need that release. i need to let go of stuff. i need to move this stuff on so i can see what it is i want now.....what i want to create with my life......to see what happens now.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
life isn't some distant far off place that you're waiting for....it's NOW. don't put off joy, or having fun, or trying out new things because you are waiting on "something more".....
i got asked the other day ...."what are you doing? what are you doing with your life?"....well....i've living it. it's happening now. i'm not going to put off things, or pretend that it's not happening now...we don't get endless amounts of time. if we don't make the best of where we are at now then we lose so many opportunities to grow, embrace joy, to live in the present.
one of the secrets of life is to realize that you ARE living your life....as it is happening. it isn't something you are waiting on...it's right here. it's all up to you what you choose to do with that. so make the best of where you are....anywhere you are....even if it's not where you exactly want to be...it is what your life is at the moment...might as well enjoy what you can, while you can. it all matters.
Monday, June 6, 2011
i'm in search for more bliss. forgiveness. acceptance. love. more smiles. laughter that makes my tummy and cheeks hurt. breezes that tousle my hair. trees to climb. creeks to wade in. pastures to run in. fences to climb over. opens roads begging to be discovered. adventures...big and small.
what are you searching for?