Friday, December 30, 2011

Seek joy...


I read this a long time ago:

"Life will bring you pain all by itself.
Your responsibility is to create joy."

It was the beginning of my quest to find the joy in life, to create my own joy.  I ditched the word "happy", because happy is fleeting; You can be a joyful person all the time though.  I AM JOYFUL.  There is power in knowing that.  I *am* a joyful person though...I'm almost positive most people who know me would agree with this statement. 

Joy is something that is there even with suffering...when you are at the hospital grieving for a loved one, there could be a good cup of coffee that just sits well with you...the kind of hot steaming coffee that is a brief respite from what is happening.  These moments are *everywhere* up...look attention. 

I try to live like this daily.  This has been said before, but I really can pop out of bed on a groggy day just for something simple like knowing I have a good tomato to make a sandwich out of for lunch.  A new strand of beads  that I haven't used yet can send me into a whirlwind of activity and excitement.  I like the here and now.  I like what I can see, touch, smell, hear, taste.  I love things that excite my senses...I seek these moments out..and if they aren't there, I will create them.  

When life seems too big...too monumental....too daunting....I look to my senses to ground me.  They KNOW joy....they know joy because they have known suffering, so just like me, they pay attention when the joy comes screeching in...or breezing in as if it was always there.  Work at doesn't come easy;  but the more you practice seeking it, the more it shows up in your life.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

random thoughts...

Random thoughts...

I woke up this morning saying "sun salutation!" made me giggle.  I don't remember the dream I was having, so it makes it all the more funny that i woke up saying it. 

My grocery lists are now made on my iphone instead of scraps of paper.  There is no satisfaction though scratching an item off when I add it to the grocery cart.  On the plus side, I am usually fussing at myself because I bring the list but forget to bring a pen,  so this moment is non-existent now....but then so are the satisfying thrills of crossing something off my list. 

I plan things but then usually dread them.  I don't dread the actual *things* or events...but I dread the preparation of them.  I truly believe getting rid of more possessions will eliminate this dread immensely. 

When it's sunny outside, I could sit and stare out at it forever...I become dazed and hypnotized by nature.
I am at peace and content in those moments.  It all seems to make sense.

a truth ~  i am writing this list instead of heading to the post office.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

what matters....

What do I seek? 
What does anyone seek?

We are individuals that make up a collective in general, we must strive for the same things.  Peace of mind?  Stress free lives?  Love. I don't need a question mark for that one...that one I know.  More laughter? Creative freedom? *What* do we strive for every day?  Do we lose sight of it from time to time?  Do we get lost in the whirlwind of a day to day job?...of making breakfast, getting kids to school, helping with homework, fixing the car, calling the plumber, mending buttons that are loose, brushing our teeth, changing the sheets, and doing the laundry.  You see, it's easy to get lost in all that mix;  BUT isn't life IN THAT MIX....isn't that where we find those moments? Isn't it about nurturing ourselves and those we love? 

Take for example someone who doesn't have anyone...or someone who has lost a spouse, a child, a best friend, a mom or dad....wouldn't they give anything just to have those moments where making breakfast, brushing teeth, and changing the laundry were something of a nuisance instead of those moments that made life painful....those seemingly meaningless tasks that just magnify their heartache, grief, or loneliness.  We all know what that is like...we all know.   Not one of us has escaped heartache. 

My heart is heavy these isn't debilitating..even though sometimes we think it should be.  Life goes on.  We lose ones we love.  Those we love hurt us by hurting themselves.  Dear friends are in depths of pain that I can't imagine, and don't want to.  We see family or friends who are stuck. stagnant. stifled by their own shadows.   ...and then we see our own selves....whatever our issues may be.  So, what do we do?  Most of us carry on...keep doing what we have to do.  In the best case scenario, we can still find joy in those little moments...getting the kids to school (having your child turn around and smile), helping with homework (being reminded your kids still need you), changing the sheets (the whiff of that fresh clean laundry scent).  IT ALL MATTERS.  What we do *every* *single* *day* matters.  WE MATTER...and isn't that *IT* right there? We all want to MATTER...and we do. We want our lives to matter...and they matter if we are in the pits of despair, or in the throws of joy and love. 

the road less traveled....

....I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
~robert frost

Sunday, December 18, 2011

What I understand now...

When you realize ...and I mean REALLY realize you have just one time to live THIS life...learning to let go becomes easier...the journey to understanding this isn't as easy to come by though. Once you know though, there is no turning back....

The road...

The end is nothing; the road is all. ~Willa Cather

Friday, December 16, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

bursting forth....

i told myself i wouldn't post again in this blog until i had something to say; that i wouldn't post just to post, but i wanted the words to rise up in me like they have been known to do from time to time. words do that you know.

sitting here, peering out the windows at the gloomy cold day outside....the lake water is rippling, no breeze that i can see, and everything is covered with moisture....a bit how i feel these days. waiting on spring...yes, already. waiting on a warm breeze to fill me up...make me whole again. i never feel whole in the cold months. i feel myself shrinking ...i'm not fully myself until daffodils, tulips, narcissus break the ground and give way to warmer days...lighter days....days filled with hope of things to come.

...and so i have learned, only this year, to use these cold months to till the ground so to do the work, so in warmth i can run free, wild, unencumbered to a degree....

on so many levels the work has already started....i actually feel like spring, or the feeling of spring, will burst forth in 2012 early...i know i will.