Friday, June 25, 2010

Saturday, June 12, 2010

dig deep.

what do i want? like really, honestly, true to the core of who i am, no inhibitions, no setbacks, no restraints??.......i want peace in the midst of whatever life brings...calamity, struggle, chaos, roller coasters, hurt, pain, loss, mistakes with them...making a life beyond them and their lasting effects, etc etc. i want to live my life by giving back in the best way i can....with my gifts, my talents, what I am good at, my laughter and ability to be silly under any circumstance, my compassion, my openness, my understanding, my empathy, my curiousity....all the things i don't always notice about myself that are good...that are me....that are what i have to offer. i want to give THAT to the world....i want it to mean something.

how do i achieve this? dedication. awareness. patience and resolve. persistence. love, above all love. and openness.....i want life to rush through me....with fervor and excited joy....i want to offer myself over to life.....i want to sit down with life and say 'i am here, i am ready to learn, let me hear everything you have to say....i will share your wisdom, your stories, your joy.

beyond all this rambling and jibber jabber.............i want to roam. i want to really hear people. i want to know what makes your soul dance...and you and you and you. i want to do this AND be creative and give my soul a chance to shine.

Who are we when we strip ourselves down to the bare essentials? are we good people? what have we lost along the way? do you remember who you were before the responsibilities of life brought hardship, heartache, pain, and confusion? Is there a way to tap into this? What DOES make you tap into that part of you? What memories make you smile? What things NOW do that?

I have SO MANY ideas bubbling over. The one that has always stuck with me though, is the desire to travel and hear these stories, document it, research these things.....everyday people....anywhere and everywhere. I am fascinated by people...their behaviors...why they do the things they do, say the things they say.......

the point is, is that i have decided to make some changes.....from here on out, everything i earn, money and otherwise, will go to this mission. I want to travel and seek out life....i want to meet you, whoever you are.....
I am giving away or selling my belongings. I am dedicating my life to seeking out joy.....the things that make our soul's dance. I welcome you to participate in this.....i'll be sending out letters, questions, etc to all of you at some time or another in the next few months......i want to hear your stories.

A part of this plan as well, is to help those whom haven't found that joy yet....whose souls' cannot find peace....who aren't able to dance. this will be part of the random acts of kindness. i have enough creativity in me to offer my services in this way as well. i can crochet hats/scarves, blankets for those in need. i can plant flowers, grow veggies, give away veggie plants to those who need them, get the drift......this will be a project of sorts that i am the most excited about. THIS is the thing i have always wanted to do.....i've always said/thought that if i ever find out i have only a year to live, this kind of thing is what i will spend my time doing.....making a difference....using my creativity and compassion to help while i still have time to give back to this life. i realize this is something that should be done anyway....but with time pressing i would want to enjoy the simple out nature.....hearing all matters. we all matter. we all have something to give. every little thing we can give to someone could change their might be all they need to hang on and persevere.

so......i challenge myself to buying a vehicle/rv/van to guide me in this journey. i ask you to tell me what you would you would give back...what you have to offer.....what place is in need of help....who you know who would benefit from this......suggest away. as soon as i get the financial resources needed, i will be on my way........i will start now of course, but would love to further this by traveling around the country with this mission.

i am open and ready to dig deep.

(if you choose to donate to this fund, please click on the 'Chip In' button and donate away....i also have an etsy shop that you can buy colorful happy items from that will aid in this journey as well...i will be documenting this by blogging, vlogging, and keep checking back!)

(UPDATE : i can't get the chip in widget to post for some i will have to use paypal donate feature for now...) try this link if you want to help. MY SOUL CAN DANCE MISSION

Friday, June 11, 2010

manifest this AND that!

"i wanna buy an rv, travel...taking photos, hearing stories, making videos/documentaries, spreading random acts of kindness. manifest that!" -----this was my facebook/twitter status update at 10:58 a.m. 6/11/2010. and i meant it....still do.

what have i preached to myself for years? envision....manifest....say it your truth.....follow your bliss.....all these phrases/mantras with the same meaning. have i done it? in some ways, yes....and in a lot of ways, no. am i as brave as i could be? no. do i talk a lot? yes. when i say simplify to myself and others do i actually hard core simplify? no...although this is in the process of changing. do i have good intentions? yes. should i risk more...go out on a limb more? yes, no, maybe.

if i have a that doesn't hurt anyone or anything....should i always try my best to follow it and make it happen? wouldn't the best thing be to make it happen so i can find out one way or another if it's my bliss or not?....that way i can say i've been there, done that....that way it makes room for more dreams rather than 'what if/could've been/could be/if only....

what role do i play in the grand scheme of things? what mark will i make? will i fly under the radar, or will i go bold and reach as far as the eye can see plus more?

i'm set in motion.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

the thing is....

we are all figuring it out as we go along. if someone tells you they have it figured out and have the key to it all, they're lying. it's a load of garbage, and it stinks! take it out back where it belongs! discard it, kick it to the curb, smash it out, stomp on it, spit on it, do whatever necessary not to let it in your brain or heart. NO ONE HAS IT FIGURED OUT. there is too much of life left to the unknown for ANYONE to have it figured out. no ones knows what is around the could be good, it could be could just BE. just be present. be here now. face your fears, confront them, move past them, push through them, do whatever is necessary to come out the other side...IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT. nothing does. that is certain.

the thing is.....just do your best.

what we all need....

is different. some of us need to dance. some need to scream. some need to let it all out. some need to hold some of their energy in. we take, we give away. we love, we hate. we cry, we laugh. we are all at different points in our lives...different intersections....even sometimes completely different roads or continents. not a one of us is on the same exact path. we all have our own stories. our own issues. our own choices to make. that is our curse AND our blessing.

Monday, June 7, 2010

what's on my mind....

when i was in the midst of major internal anxiety and chaos years ago i began to seek out ways of resolving this...coming to terms with everything around me. i was young...too young to realize life wasn't about perfection or pristine was about struggle and overcoming, and choosing happy anyway. i didn't know that then, i do now....and so at the time i researched what some would call 'new age' methods of dealing with anxiety and depression. at first i thought it was silly....i wanted a quick fix....i wanted it to be better right then. it doesn't work like that, but i was naive and foolish and thought it could be that easy. i tried little things anyway....i began envisioning joyful calm places....when i breathed i tried to focus on an imaginary 'center' inside of me....i saw it teeter and sway until i got it steady...almost like a level would be. when i remembered to, i would pretend as though i was breathing in life with every inhale, and exhaling stress and negativity. i started a journal of pictures, thoughts, ideas that inspired that stirred me and made me smile or feel serene, or even made me feel like bursting with life....i started discovering who i was and what made me tick. it wasn't about not making was about making them and learning from them once they happened. it was about the process of elimination. i made a choice and if i felt more chaotic, then i learned it was something that increased my i began to slowly cut out those things, or reduce them the best i could at the time. with my visual and idea journal i could begin to see a pattern after a certain amount of i took what was in those photos and attempted to bring that into my life.....simple things really....a certain color that was in my photos more than others (turquoise), flowers that moved me (sunflowers, zinnias, moss rose), mason jars, comfort foods, etc.
With this began my real creative journey....i slowed down enough to pay attention and understand that i was missing a HUGE part of who i was....i wasn't giving any kind of homage to my creative self. I sat down with my grandmother and learned how to crochet (for the gazillionth time), and it finally 'clicked'....i was paying attention. i became obsessed with how calm crocheting made me feel...i put all of my excess energy into making scarves and hats....i literally crocheted my way into sanity...somewhat cause i'm still crazy :) this led to other creative pursuits that i am so grateful for....and i'm still learning and exploring, and hope i always will be.

My point is that you absolutely HAVE TO find what makes you tick...what you love. There is no other way around it. It's about survival. It's about living this life the best way you can with the best *you* you can. It's about the simple things...simple pleasures....simple moments that create your life and your whole existence. It is SO important. It ultimately defines every relationship you will ever have. I sometimes feel redundant stressing this point so much, but it is everything.

If you haven't already, START NOW. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. (cheesy i know).

I have so so so much more flowing through my mind.....right now though i must get back to starts are always so exciting for me.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

cheers to today...

i am sitting here trying to come up with ideas...thoughts...words....some sort of something relevant to say. i keep getting distracted with the boats passing by, the breeze, windchimes jingling and tingling, cats brushing past my instead of letting this moment pass me by, i will embrace it. sorry today, i almost let you pass by unnoticed...i am here now.

Friday, June 4, 2010

make your own rules...

break the mold...the one you created for yourself...and most certainly the one others created for you.

make it matter.

find *your* joy.

seek your truth...and then live it.

go with the flow...and then sometimes when necessary against the current.

learn that you have to make your own rules at times. it's your life, no one else's.

above all, be kind. be kind to yourself. be kind to others. be kind to mother earth, it is her that keeps your life in existence...honor that, respect it, give back to her. plant a tree, plant flowers, pick up your trash, recycle, use natural ingredients, conserve, use less, reduce your consumption. i can't stress this point enough. if you have respect and are grateful for the world around you, everything else can fall into place. if you don't learn this, your life will never be as joyful as it could be.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

the meaning....

Well....I think everyone wonders what life is meant for....why we are here....what is our individual purpose.....i truly believe sometimes we wonder so much about these big questions, we neglect the everyday moments. Maybe the answer is simpler than we'd like it to be....maybe it's about specific joyful moments....maybe it's about understanding we all struggle....maybe it's to make us see that despite all our problems and mishaps and mistakes, there is beauty.....maybe we are meant to help someone up....or maybe we are meant to decide to marry one person instead of the other....maybe we are meant to pick up a mic and sing karaoke anyway even though we are scared.....maybe we are meant to sow seeds of kindness wherever and whenever we can. Maybe we are all here for different reasons....maybe we are only here to love as much as we do whatever talent, skill, silliness we are drawn to. maybe just maybe we are meant to live...plain and simple....maybe we are just meant to live even though sometimes it seems too much....when our problems are overbearing, or we don't think we can manage through it....maybe choosing to live is enough.

letting go.....

"Very often a risk is worth taking simply for the sake of taking it. There is something enlivening about expanding our self-definition, and a risk does exactly that. Selecting a challenge and meeting it creates a sense of self-empowerment that becomes the ground for further successful challenges. Viewed this way, running a marathon increases your chances of writing a full-length play. Writing a full-length play gives you a leg up on a marathon. Complete the following sentence. "If I didn't have to do it perfectly, I would try______."
~The Artist's Way Every Day, Julia Cameron

A risk doesn't have to be something can just be a small step outside of your comfort zone. For me right now, it's about purging and getting rid of everything i have been so attached's also about letting go of unfulfilled desires/hopes that i am only holding onto even though it's time to move on. It's about recognizing who you are NOW, and not holding onto who you WERE. The rest will follow......I just have to take it step by step and see what unfolds.