Adapting...

It's been a long week....a long and difficult one.  On top of losing Casper, I also came down with some sort of stomach virus....one that has yet to let go of it's reigns on me....

With that though, I've had a lot of time to think....I haven't felt like listening to music much at all (which is WAY out of character)....in a much more of a silent reflective mood....learning to accept what my life is now....and to contemplate what I need to do now in order for my life to move forward.   After over ten years of living with Casper in my day to day life....adapting to certain schedules....things I have to do for him....for us....certain habits I never even knew I had but I am noticing now because they revolved around him and simple "traditions" we both had grown accustomed to....such as morning rituals....meal time arrangements....getting ready for bed.  All these things are unnecessary now...and I found myself very aimless this week.   Some of you who don't have pets might not understand this....but it is HUGE....especially after a decade or more of doing things a certain way, you find yourself at a loss....having to shift your whole way of life to a degree.  It's eerie and unsettling.  


Life goes on...this we all know...we adapt...we try to heal the best we can...it's a part of this journey...


Beyond that....I am still on a quest to simplify as much as possible...maybe even more now.  I am marking down and using up craft supplies....letting go letting go letting go.  I think I now have more boxes packed up of items to get rid of than I do of belongings to keep...but it's still not enough.  If you want to see what I'm marking down check out the shop .


I'm also reading a lot of minimalism articles and books...still.   


Also watched 180 degrees South....excellent movie...i highly recommend it to environmental enthusiasts....anyone who wants to live simply and conserve the earth...etc....love it.   It's on Instant Play Netflix right now if you are interested.  


Still planning the hopefully year long trip, if not more....if there are any recommendations as to what I should see, places to visit, things to do, let me know.......

The girl who silenced the world for 5 minutes

wow. just wow. this moved me beyond words.

hard lessons...

do i want to document this day? not really....but i am anyway because i want to celebrate and express my gratitude for the cat that has shared in my life for over ten years.  tomorrow at 11:30am i have to say goodbye...and let go.  i don't want to....i mean i really really really don't want to...i'm not ready....but this isn't about me....it's about him and all the problems and health issues he has...it's about loving him enough to let him go so he doesn't have to go through this anymore.  
i am trying to push aside my feelings of guilt....of regret....of my loss.....i am trying to ignore myself long enough to do what's best for him.  i look at him and know i still have so much love left to give him.....i am trying to send him every loving, joyful, grateful vibe i have in me......i want him to know just how much he has been loved the past decade...and how much he will continue to be loved.  
he has annoyed me by jumping on counters, eating my food, given me comfort by cuddling every night.....he has been through my chaotic 20s with me....he has moved and adjusted to all the places i've been and lived....he has meowed me into submission when i get out the milk container...and tripped me up when i open the can of tuna to make a sandwich......he has given me endless joy.  
i'm not ready for this....but who is ever ready for hard change?.....who is ever ready for loss?.....who decides to embrace pain? or hurt?  life hurts sometimes....some days just plain ole' suck.  today sucks...i guarantee tomorrow will suck even more.  my heart is hurting...despite the heartache i will be there....holding him when he moves on.....

so today he gets whatever he wants.....today is about love.  i can't hardly get anything done, because i don't want to take my eyes off of him....i want to embrace every second i have until i have to say goodbye.

so if you are reading, send all the positive vibes you can to him.....he deserves it :)

how i simplify....

I keep a box or two in a room i use often......throughout my day or week if i see something i don't use, or isn't striking me as something that is "me" anymore, i toss it in the box....i usually label the box with the date i started it and write "goodwill or yard sale" on it.  keeping this box out enables me to let go of things at my own pace....
i can leave it in the box....and though it sounds cheesy, i can begin the "letting go" phase of the item...not all things are like this....some i can easily throw in the box and be done with them....if i give myself a chance though to release my attachment of it i tend to be more comfortable with the whole idea of simplifying....it becomes easier to detach every time.  

my release of books has been effortless now......i embrace the idea of owning only a few now....i of course hold on to my fabulous dictionary, thesaurus, and some work books that i look at consistently....those kind of inspiring books that have become a part of my life.....everything else i release into the world...knowing they will come back to me to be read if i need them....but honestly...with all the books in this world, i could NEVER read them ALL before i die....so why hang on to ones that have already crossed my path???......

speaking of letting go of....i am off to deliver more boxes to the Goodwill.......have a joyful day!

ready to fight...

Getting to a place of simplicity isn't easy.   It's been a long path of obstacles, hidden agendas, falling over, mistakes, forgotten paths, distractions, etc.......
All of this usually happens when i lose focus....when i look the other way even for a second.  Living a life of simplicity and minimalism takes practice and diligence..........then after awhile, it becomes all you want...you are less distracted by this or that gadget......you begin to crave open roads, pastures, fields, sunshine, books, silence, adventure, etc....at least i do.  i always have craved these things, but even more now.  with every thing i get rid of, the more my soul's desire comes floating to the top...pushing through....i see what i want more clearly.

With each of us, we carry certain burdens....the things we regret or could have done differently....relationships we wish we had never gotten into...or whatever it is for you.....there ARE setbacks...there will ALWAYS be setbacks......the worst one is the 'what if'....or 'one day'......"one day things will change",  "one day i'll have my dream job",  "what if i had done this instead of that"..............blah blah blah.   I'm so tired of telling myself that....you should be too. 
What one thing can you do today that will jump start the "what if"..or the "could be"...of the "some day" ?   go and do it.  now.  we owe it to ourselves, TO LIFE...to do something about what we crave in our souls......we HAVE to.   screw fear....find a way to make it work, and fight for it....i got my boxing gloves on and i'm ready to push through barbed wire to get what i want.   are you?

freedoms of not owning a car....

i'm thinking of living in a location that makes it easy for me to bike or not need a car so much.....with my car in desperate shape and having so many expenses to getting it fixed, insurance, etc....i'd love another alternative.....i just read about this...Zipcar.....AMAZING.  

i am normally one who loves the freedom of having a car.  lately though, i just haven't had one that runs smoothly....so it made me think of not owning one and what that would be like.  of course, i would need to live somewhere that makes not owning one possible.   this is all still under consideration...but i like the idea of it for many reasons....


~getting healthier from walking and biking 
~no car insurance, gas cost, keeping it fixed
~no oil consumption....healthier for the environment
~less chance of dying in a car accident
~no road rage...yes i have it ....not extreme of course, but yes i fuss a lot
~forces me to rethink how i go about my day ...getting things done
~slows everything down....
~etc etc


i have ALWAYS thought there was more freedom in having a car, and now i suddenly see the freedom in NOT having one.  


so much is changing.

scaling down...

what i want...

is what i've said many many times before....a simplified life.....maybe a bike instead of a car.....fresh food from my garden and fruit trees instead of grocery store purchases......reading in place of tv.....thrift stores instead of dept. stores....hula hooping instead of the gym....you get the point........

most of this has already been in the works...and some i still need to work on......

a couple of months ago i got rid of PILES of stuff.......and now even more belongings are going into boxes to give away...as well as furniture and crafty supplies i "might" use one day. 

i just can't do it anymore...i can't own all this stuff....

scaling down...i can feel myself getting lighter by the minute.

so here we are....

so here i am......here we are......here you are.....

still simplifying....still making plans....still adjusting to unforeseen obstacles.....
how exactly does one slim down what they own to what they can fit in a vehicle to move??....how do you free yourself from 'owning things'..or the things owning you?......what do you *really* need?....it's what i am faced with this week.......time if flying by this summer and it's getting to a point where things need to start happening in order for change to occur.  

as of right now....a lightning storm is brewing and computer needs to be shut down........gonna go make a drink and throw things into yard sale or goodwill boxes.....

have a fantastic weekend!  laugh lots!

the quest....

the quest for simplicity is a long one....and a soul searching one......sometimes you realize you are hanging onto things you didn't even realize you were.

How To Be Alone

this is so amazing. fantastic. beautiful. brilliant. and i am in love with it. it's exactly the thing i wanted and needed to see today...just because it's how i feel.....i have always found beauty in solitude......

what i have learned and how i have changed....

~ you have to find balance in yourself....constantly maintain it.....find your center

~i once loved shopping malls, now i love thrift stores

~i compare myself less to other women now...i'm happier for it ( it still happens when i'm feeling low )

~instead of comparing yourself to other women / people, we must learn to celebrate our differences....if someone is beautiful or has better legs or boobs or eyes or jobs or whatever, embrace it and be happy for them...don't resent anyone for what they have, because guaranteed there is *SOMETHING* they don't like about themselves. we are all struggling with the same things.

~let go more.....dance....sing when you want....smile.....learn to dance even though life is stressful.

~dancing it out really does help

~pay attention

~listen

~realize that there is always more than meets the eye...when it comes to situations, people, life

~strive to find joy.......claw at it...fight for it.....live it.....be it......learn to see it and seize it when it comes your way.....create it........be a source of joy.......

~LOVE LOVE LOVE with all your heart..............ALWAYS keep your heart open ....even when things can bring you pain.....love anyway.

~learn your limits.....eliminate and cast aside people and things that push your limits in a negative way.

~always keep learning

~you can be afraid of change, but embrace change anyway

~push your comfort zones whenever you can......it leads to a happier life and soul

~find your tribe.....maintain it....appreciate it.....nurture it even when you think you don't have the time

~love your friends, your family.....love the world you live in

~don't litter.....EVER.....pick up trash if you see it

~gossip less.....you taint yourself and your life and the world around you by doing so.....i know, i know....sometimes it's easy to fall into it and participate in it...but actively try not to

~dream big. never stop dreaming. but also learn to love what you have....

~don't take yourself too seriously.....laugh at yourself as much as you can. believe me on this one...i practice it daily :)

i can't even begin to *really* describe how much i have changed over the past decade. i love getting older....i love growing more comfortable with who i am....i love that every year i ease more into myself......the older i get, the more i love life and see that there is beauty even with all the struggles of it.