these moments....

September is here....I can feel the change in the air....in so many different ways.

Last night was the first night since Casper died that I have dreamed of him......for anyone who knows me well, knows that I dream several dreams a night and I remember them all....I dream of ones that have passed on ALL THE TIME.  So, I was surprised that Casper who is usually in my dreams every night, stopped being in them once he died...........it actually made me sad.   Last night was difficult, as usual, falling to sleep........I really sat with how I felt last night....accepted that I was aching...missing....hurting....tight heart ache....so then what happens last night/this morning?.....yep, I dream about Casper.....and I woke up with the ache less.....a loosening of the tenseness in my heart.....

Today is also the first day I am really listening to music.....I am also able to love on the cats around here without feeling sad or like I'm betraying Casper somehow.....

Anyway.....I know I am mentioning this every post....but I am fascinated by how we can choose to embrace our emotions or the opposite ...fight them.....the way we move through what we experience in life is key....the way we cope...the way we grieve....express sadness....joy.....heartache.....love....the way we withhold love or give it.....it's fascinating.   The more aware of how we as individuals express ourselves moment by moment is something we should pay attention to.....notice how you react when someone hugs you...do you give in or tense up?......what about when you receive a compliment?.....do you accept it humbly or make excuses as to why you don't deserve it, or are you embarrassed?........These type of things may seem trivial....but they matter more than all these other "things" we give value to. 

I am determined to give in more.....to love more.....to share more.....to hug more....to show my appreciation more.......I don't do those things enough......

We have this moment....this moment only.....what will you choose to do with it?

Adapting...

It's been a long week....a long and difficult one.  On top of losing Casper, I also came down with some sort of stomach virus....one that has yet to let go of it's reigns on me....

With that though, I've had a lot of time to think....I haven't felt like listening to music much at all (which is WAY out of character)....in a much more of a silent reflective mood....learning to accept what my life is now....and to contemplate what I need to do now in order for my life to move forward.   After over ten years of living with Casper in my day to day life....adapting to certain schedules....things I have to do for him....for us....certain habits I never even knew I had but I am noticing now because they revolved around him and simple "traditions" we both had grown accustomed to....such as morning rituals....meal time arrangements....getting ready for bed.  All these things are unnecessary now...and I found myself very aimless this week.   Some of you who don't have pets might not understand this....but it is HUGE....especially after a decade or more of doing things a certain way, you find yourself at a loss....having to shift your whole way of life to a degree.  It's eerie and unsettling.  


Life goes on...this we all know...we adapt...we try to heal the best we can...it's a part of this journey...


Beyond that....I am still on a quest to simplify as much as possible...maybe even more now.  I am marking down and using up craft supplies....letting go letting go letting go.  I think I now have more boxes packed up of items to get rid of than I do of belongings to keep...but it's still not enough.  If you want to see what I'm marking down check out the shop .


I'm also reading a lot of minimalism articles and books...still.   


Also watched 180 degrees South....excellent movie...i highly recommend it to environmental enthusiasts....anyone who wants to live simply and conserve the earth...etc....love it.   It's on Instant Play Netflix right now if you are interested.  


Still planning the hopefully year long trip, if not more....if there are any recommendations as to what I should see, places to visit, things to do, let me know.......