these moments....

September is here....I can feel the change in the air....in so many different ways.

Last night was the first night since Casper died that I have dreamed of him......for anyone who knows me well, knows that I dream several dreams a night and I remember them all....I dream of ones that have passed on ALL THE TIME.  So, I was surprised that Casper who is usually in my dreams every night, stopped being in them once he died...........it actually made me sad.   Last night was difficult, as usual, falling to sleep........I really sat with how I felt last night....accepted that I was aching...missing....hurting....tight heart ache....so then what happens last night/this morning?.....yep, I dream about Casper.....and I woke up with the ache less.....a loosening of the tenseness in my heart.....

Today is also the first day I am really listening to music.....I am also able to love on the cats around here without feeling sad or like I'm betraying Casper somehow.....

Anyway.....I know I am mentioning this every post....but I am fascinated by how we can choose to embrace our emotions or the opposite ...fight them.....the way we move through what we experience in life is key....the way we cope...the way we grieve....express sadness....joy.....heartache.....love....the way we withhold love or give it.....it's fascinating.   The more aware of how we as individuals express ourselves moment by moment is something we should pay attention to.....notice how you react when someone hugs you...do you give in or tense up?......what about when you receive a compliment?.....do you accept it humbly or make excuses as to why you don't deserve it, or are you embarrassed?........These type of things may seem trivial....but they matter more than all these other "things" we give value to. 

I am determined to give in more.....to love more.....to share more.....to hug more....to show my appreciation more.......I don't do those things enough......

We have this moment....this moment only.....what will you choose to do with it?