the spirit within.....

you know those days that you feel like you just "have it"? .....like it doesn't even matter if you do or don't have "it" figured out, you are alive and even with the life struggle you are just happy to be here, creating, loving, having the opportunity to try try again. 

......and THEN there are the days that you wake up questioning everything, doubting what it is you are here for, feeling like you aren't making enough impact or difference in this life...."what are you even doing, does it even matter, who cares, i'm not doing enough, i'm tired of this" feeling.....

push and pull.   rise and fall.  up and down.  left to right.  zigzag, here and there.  

the thing is.....it doesn't matter if we get it "right"...........we will never figure "it" out..........once you learn to accept those bad days, the questioning and doubting ones, and push through them anyway....THEN you have "it" within your grasp.  

there is no perfect formula.  we have to figure out how to live in our own way.   for some getting out of a funk might be surrounding yourself with loud, fun, sociable people.....for others it is sitting in solitude, reflecting, getting centered.  

my point is ....QUIT COMPARING YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE.    you are you.....and thank god for that.   no one is going to do it like you......just for the reason that no one else IS you.  give yourself a break.....learn to love yourself........love your creations....you paintings.....your children (because let's face it...that is the greatest creation of all)......love your home.....your style.....the way you part your hair......your skin color......your freckles......your big feet and gangly legs.......love your loud laugh.....your accent.....love the way you can't stay mad even if you want to.....love all your quirks and what some, even yourself, might call your weaknesses....a lot of times our "weaknesses" are often strengths, we just haven't begun seeing them that way yet.

 with my latest ventures, i have gotten criticism.....encouragement.....a lot of yays, but also a lot of 'why are you doing that'............................it doesn't matter.   i do what i want......i have to do what feels right to me.......i haven't talked a lot about what i am about to say, just because it's private...and it involves me and life force, spirit, God...whatever you want to call that "it" energy that IS life and all of creation......  
so much of what i base my decisions on...the big ones, are directly related to the life force i feel inside of me....where i feel guided.....i trust this feeling immensely......mainly because it's never a selfish guidance.....it is from the same place that as a kid, i used to say i wanted to buy all the land in the world so the homeless people and animals could have a home.....it's from the same place where that immense amount of love pours out and sometimes i just feel like hugging someone i am talking to......it's from the same place that makes me feel like jumping out of my skin and dancing when an african drum beat plays........i will NEVER doubt this force.   it is everything good and pure within me......it is a higher power.  it took me a long time to recognize and make this force the main part of my life....it took me a long time to tune into the station and frequency that this force comes from.....and it took me even longer to trust it without doubt.  

so i say to all the naysayers out there.....listen to your own station, and leave mine alone.