Sunday, September 23, 2012
sometimes i think i will rebel and so i don't shave for a few days......then i get paranoid it will limit me (shorts wearing, swimsuit, the looks, the obsession of not shaving as opposed to the obsession WITH shaving) so i shave again. then the whole process starts over. i think i might be a happier person if i let those shaving worries go. i'm in that whole process right now with not dyeing my hair. aren't there plenty of things to worry about rather than the vain attempts of fighting aging? it's going to happen anyway, why fight it...it's futile. ....and then comes the seeing myself in a mirror when a short gray hair is sticking straight up...or god forbid i pull my hair back in a ponytail...HELLO GRAY SIDES! so far though, i am not trying to conceal the grays...it's been about 7 months or more since i have.
sure we all want to look young as long as possible....but when that interferes or distracts from the short life we have, it seems trivial...ridiculous even. decades ago i wished i was a boy....the main reasons why i wished for that? i didn't want to worry about shaving....i wanted to walk around shirtless when it's hot....i felt like it wasn't fair that guys didn't have to shave underarms or legs...i had no idea what to do with makeup as my mom never wore any so i was clueless. i was a tomboy and wanted to stay that way. even back then i saw the absurdities and the differences of how women were judged compared to men.
so even though i THINK i would be a happier person if i didn't shave, the truth is i wouldn't...at least not at this point. what i really wish for is to not care either way. that is the more rebellious way to me....to not let it affect me one way or the other......so my legs are shaved...so what? or so i haven't shaved in 5 days....so what?? this should have no relevance to how freeing or limiting my days or life is. somehow it does. today i felt rebellious...i got in the shower, washed my face, washed my hair and body, and was done. i got out, put some lotion on, got dressed.....DONE. no makeup. no primping. no shaving. i grabbed the first clothes i saw and was finished getting ready.
my point in all this chatter about shaving or not shaving is that it symbolizes other things in life too. long hair, short hair? gray hair or dyed hair? make-up or natural? painted nails or color free? heels or flats? dresses or jeans? doesn't it seem absurd? who cares? sadly, a lot of people do...society does...the high standards we put on women do.....the judgements we put on ourselves and others do....the list goes on.
as my friends' kids grow up, i can't help but think about what they will face. right now i'm not thinking of me or my generation or generations before but how this whole thing MUST change so they (children now) don't grow up with these warped ideas of beauty or what they should or shouldn't do to fit in. let them live free of this senseless worry................let them frolic in the fields and pools and nature more..........let them be free. think of all they could accomplish.