what's a closet?

DAY 8 (??) of being back ~  I feel like packing a suitcase.  Not that I am going anywhere, but just to see it packed...just in case.  I had a good day of creating jewelry yesterday, staying outside, taking photos of jewelry........but it was all with travel in mind.  It wasn't about making jewelry, it was about knowing that when jewelry sells I am one more step closer to taking another trip.  I have ants in my pants and I don't think it's going away. 

So I get up everyday, turn on computer, go pour coffee, come back and sit on my bed....I think about where I will go next.  I think that if I go ahead and decide, that maybe just maybe, it will manifest itself quicker.  Isn't that how it works?  To be so open about it all is maybe my downfall?.....lack of focus?...lack of destination?.....but for me it isn't about the destination (unless it's of course some tropical oasis of turquoise water and coconut drinks); it's about the movement to get there.  Perhaps that's why I loved the train trip cross country so much ~ absolutely nothing to do but to watch the world outside go by.  No worries of getting my luggage; I had it all near me, at my fingertips....no worry of am I going the right way, is this the right bus....will I like where i'm going next...etc etc.  Living on a train for days was calming.   Every stop wasn't my own; I was good for days....I was content with my books, iphone, food/snacks, listening to the conversations around me, people watching, scenery outside, reclining seat......it forced me to relax, to sit still, to just BE. 

to do list:
1. hone in where I want to go.
2. make it happen

a bit of Rumi....

Unfold Your Own Myth ~ Rumi

Who gets up early to discover the moment light begins?
Who finds us here circling, bewildered, like atoms?
Who comes to a spring thirsty
and sees the moon reflected in it?
Who, like Jacob blind with grief and age,
smells the shirt of his lost son
and can see again?
Who lets a bucket down and brings up
a flowing prophet?  Or like Moses goes for fire
and finds what burns inside the sunrise?

Jesus slips into a house to escape enemies,
and opens a door to the other world.
Solomon cuts open a fish, and there's a gold ring.
Omar storms in to kill a prophet
and leaves with blessings.
Chase a deer and end up everywhere!
An oyster opens his mouth to swallow one drop.
Now there's a pearl.
A vagrant wanders empty ruins.
Suddenly he's wealthy.

But don't be satisfied with stories, how things
have gone with others.  Unfold
your own myth, without complicated explanation,
so everyone will understand the passage,
We have opened you.

Start walking towards Shams.  Your legs will get heavy
and tired.  Then comes a moment
of feeling the wings you've grown,
lifting.

wild mind...

                                     (books at Teahouse Studio)

Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.

totally random....

So, in my quest to find travel documentaries I have found one I am quite smitten with ~ Jane's Journey.  Jane Goodall has always been someone I looked up to, even more so as a young girl.  As soon as I found out about this amazing, animal loving, courageous, entrancing soul I was enthralled ~ and have been ever since.  This is a must watch for anyone who likes her.  Don't be fooled by the "starring angelina jolie and pierce brosnan" bit...they don't star in the documentary; they only give jane goodall praises here and there.

Onto other news, I had this intoxicating (not really) smoky Russian tea while in California, and I haven't been able to capture that taste since.  Does anyone have any recommendation for a good smoky flavored hot tea?  (cause I am breaking my bank account buying teas that don't match up)

Oh yes, DAY 4 (of being back) ~ still moody, but I have finally opened up my jewelry supply boxes so that must be a sign of spirits improving eh?  I took a trip to the farmer's market yesterday (which always sends me into fits of ooooohhhhs and aaahhhhhhs).....and ooooooh the strawberries.  One customer eying me says "if you keep on sniffing those strawberries they are gonna start charging you per sniff".......yes, it was that bad...errr, good?......

Isn't there always a particular food/fruit/veggie/whatev that can send you straight back to your childhood?  Strawberries do it for me ~ the memories of strawberry patches right outside the kitchen window, or in our front yard (more expansive)....picking them straight off the vine, eating them all before I could get them in the kitchen as requested by my mother (though I never heard her fuss for the lack of berries when I brought them in).  strawberry shortcake ~ strawberries with a bit of sugar ~ strawberries straight off the vine ~ any way strawberries could get in my mouth I was game :)
What food takes you back to your childhood?

side note: I have been gifted a little video camera from Jen that I have been playing with this week.  (i'm pretty sure I was gifted this cause of my mad skills at the jaw harp....i just know it), so amateur videos are headed this way soon!  No, no, don't cheer just yet......wait until I upload it first, then you can cheer all you want. Hehe.  

day 3 ~ i have run out of things to say...obviously

DAY 3 ~ SHOCKING changes in myself since i took my trip (okay, maybe not shocking, but changes nonetheless)

1. i am now a trader joe's snob (and think there should be one in every town)

2. i now make a disgusted look when i see that meat has nitrates (i mean seriously, i can't find anything in the local stores, ugh)

3. i now say "dude" way too much (though i think i was doing this before)

4. why the heck can't i have orange/lemon/avocado trees in my backyard!?....(not a change, but c'mon)

5.  i have learned i sleep better with one pillow, not FIVE like i thought i needed before i left :)

sooooo,  there you have it.    that's all i have.   too much change internally to really even describe here...some i haven't even processed yet.   today is a bit better with mood....mostly relating to waking up determined to get on the road again ASAP.   still have yet to unpack suitcase all the way.  jewelry supplies/tools?...forget it.   that will happen only with a cold drink or two and when i finally stub each and every toe i have on the boxes (still laying on the floor in the middle of the walkway).  

back to getting on the road ASAP.......manifesting a way to get paid while traveling.  making jewelry can only bring in so much, plus i actually have to MAKE jewelry on the road, and then bring all the supplies, beads, tools, finished products with me.  i've done this already, it became very complicated, very quickly; looking for a simpler approach this time around...and also simple packing.  i'm all about simplicity; less is more approach. 

though the freedom of driving is ideal.....the slow pace of a train cross country, not paying gas prices, scenic views ~hard to top that.   still smitten with going through utah/colorado by train.....one of the highlights of my life.   i will be traveling by train MUCH MUCH MORE as time goes on.  experience of a lifetime.

side note, does anybody use jojoba oil?...isn't it the most amazing ever?

...in the way life does...

         ( Stefanie Renee Lindeen prints - Teahouse Studio)

DAY 2 - I wake up still confused as to where I am.  I get up, put contacts in, pee, wash hands, go into kitchen and make coffee as I did every day before I left on the trip in January.  Did the trip even happen?....that is the question I asked myself this morning.  It feels odd stepping back into things as if none of it happened.  It feels like I should be coming "home" to a completely new environment.  *Something* should be different...anything....but no, it's all the same.  How does one adjust?  Though it doesn't *really* compare, I can't help but think about soldiers who come back from the war.  Is it like this?.....you just don't seem to fit anymore....things *should* be different...what once felt natural, feels unnatural now....or maybe it just feels uncomfortable to be doing the same things.

I'm sitting on the bed, finished earrings all laid out to reactivate in the Etsy shop ....i once again fight the urge to pack it all up.   I get distracted and go through all my travel/train trip pictures once more; yes, it DID all happen.  Okay, I look at earrings again and know that they helped me to fund my trip...so I look at them and smile.  I contemplate getting scissors and open up the rest of the supply/jewelry boxes I shipped back to Georgia when I knew I was headed back.   I like seeing them all piled up on the floor ~ evidence of a decision to pack it all up and go....trusting that it would all play out, somehow in the way life does :)

restless again...

 
DAY 1 of being back from an almost 3 month trip and I am already restless, looking up travel documentaries to watch on Netflix, feeling a bit depressed as I begin to unpack and so I quit, I take down the clothes I have already hung up in the closet and I put them back in the suitcase.  I don't know how to be "home" anymore....it doesn't feel right.  I want to be somewhere I haven't been....I want to feel slightly uncomfortable to not have what I am used to around.  I want to wish I had brought another pair of shoes, or that one comfy t-shirt that I love to sleep in.  I *WANT* to live out of a suitcase.  I am restless and uneasy....and I wonder if I will continue to feel this way or if this feeling will pass.  I hope it doesn't pass....I am eager to put more train/plane/bus identification tags on my bags.  I miss sleeping uncomfortably....I woke up this morning completely confused as to where I was.  The comfort of my own bed made me uncomfortable. 
I sit here looking at my lotion, contact solution, zyrtec, nail polish, and I am tempted to put them back in their travel bag once more.  Even *they* look uncomfortable ....the lavender and turquoise polish seems to scream at me "take me to the ocean once more....let me see those rocks and mountains of Utah and Colorado.....or even more "take me somewhere I have never been...don't make us sit here "settled" into what used to be"..........

oh me.  vagabond.  gypsy.  wanderer.  traveler.  seeker.  discoverer.  breathing in every state, country, continent....that is what I long to do, and that is what I *shall* do...somehow, someway, someday sooner rather than later.