2009 lessons

2009 - what a year. 2010 - what a year it will be. i am looking forward to a new year....this last month has been intense.

what i've learned or learned more of in 2009: things are what you make them, life is challenging but worth it, life is complicated but worth it...and even more so Because it's complicated...., it's good to cut the strings to your past sometimes, friends are SO SO SO valuable, always find time for the things you are passionate about, learn to feel gratitude daily even for the simple things because this is what often determines your mood and joy in life, laugh....a lot, take risks, have fun even if your life isn't exactly as desired....laughter, silliness, funny faces, dancing, and playing is a necessity.
clearly 2009 was yet another year of growth.

2010 theme

secrets. mysteries. untold tales. stories between friends. silliness. acting out. surprises. spontaneity. all of this is on my mind this week. a lot brewing.

I am in the middle of watching Julie and Julia...makes a person want to have a blog with a certain theme...at least in my case it does. The movie also makes me crave buttery rich foods that I can sink my teeth into...mmmm.

As 2010 approaches, I am reminded that I haven't chosen a theme word yet. Does anyone else do this? Last year was 'create joy'...the year before was 'trust'....I think iIam still waiting on the rest of this week to unfold to choose the appropriate word/theme....something I can work towards, or keep in mind. What's your word for 2010?

it's not that easy bein' green

It's not that easy bein' green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves,
When I think it might be nicer being red, or yellow,
or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It's not easy bein' green
It seems you blend in with so many other
ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over,
'cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles
on the water,
or stars in the sky

But green is the color of spring
And green can be cool and friendly like
And green can be big like an ocean
Or important like a mountain
Or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be,
It could make you wonder why.
But why wonder, why wonder?
I am green, and it'll do fine
And I think it's what I want to be.

~Kermit the frog

change; used as a noun or verb, it's inevitable.

sort of feeling silent these days.
pondering.
absorbing.
situating.

looking back through old journals and notebooks i see how hopeful i was years ago. i believed that people were good, life worked out...if only you believed it would. i now know none of that is true. people aren't always good. they don't do the right things all the time. life isn't fair. bad things happen to everyone. experiences, even with good intentions, can bring pain...suffering...disappointment. so what do we do? how can we prevent this? we do nothing. we can't prevent it. we will suffer. we will be disappointed. we will let ourselves down, and others will let us down. we do it anyway. we live anyway. we love anyway. we risk anyway. we get up every day, make our coffee or tea, and we walk out that door facing adversity with every step we take. we keep a brave face most of the time. if we're good at it, we hide our insecurities, our deep rooted issues and anxieties, and we survive. why? because sometimes, almost always, love conquers hate. love conquers fear. hope outweighs doubt. hope is rooted in a part of us that no fear or anxiety can touch. hope is otherworldly. it is light, not dark. it is real. it radiates. it is contagious. it is necessary. it is what keeps us alive. hope.

i make lists. i make them for everything: groceries to buy, things to organize, things to clean, things to accomplish that day, this week, in a lifetime, things that inspire me, music to buy, items to create, adventures i want to take, etc etc etc.
At times i think i create too many lists...so i quit for awhile....and then i stop sleeping as well...feel more chaotic...can't seem to focus on one task for too long. it's funny because most of the time i end up doing everything else in the world but what's on the list...but somehow this rebelling against the list gets thing done. almost seems to motivate me more. so i continue to make them because that's what i do....that's what we all do. we all have these things about us, things we do in our everyday lives that make us who we are. but instead of having everything mapped out...i have started adding something else to my daily lists....it started awhile back when i read this quote, "you can't expect anything unexpected to happen, if you never do anything unexpected"....so i write down a slot, a space, 'the unexpected'....because inevitably the unexpected ALWAYS happens...even if it's not today, it will tomorrow. it can come in the form of bad news, good news, a visit from a friend, an opportunity to socialize, inspiration that makes you seize the moment and create instead of wash dishes, a sunny day that leaves you craving fresh air instead of staying in.....the unexpected IS life. it can lead you ironically to what in the big picture is 'planned' for your life.....if you choose to seize it. embrace it. relish and wallow in it. the unexpected is breaking out in dance when the moment strikes. it's giving hugs because you must...because you feel it....it's a life that is full....

anyway....so give yourself room to dance around with the unexpected. cause it's gonna come anyway. whether you 'plan' for it or not.