Yoga

Right now.  I'm outside listening to the margaritaville pandora station.  The next door neighbor is hammering away building steps and a leveled deck near his dock.  There is a pleasant breeze and it's ten degrees less than it was the other day...which is nice.  As I stretch my body out on the dock I feel longer...yoga is a wondrous thing and my muscles and my whole being is benefiting from it.  The sun warms me and I feel like I could stretch clear across the lake.  This yoga...it feels like coming home.  

simplicity.

I keep thinking about that phrase "use what you have" .....and anytime I think to myself or hear myself saying "I just need a better camera" or "if I had more supplies" or "if I lived at the beach I would be able to do this or that".........but honestly, as much as I crave the simple life and minimalism these days (these past two years) the idea of getting more stuff makes me cringe.  i WANT to have less to use.   i always do better when i have less groceries in the kitchen ...cooking becomes easy, simple, less time consuming...this is ideal during these summer months when the only place i want to be is outside.  i yearn to only own what i can quickly throw together in a vehicle.  i love the idea of having space...room to move around in...yoga, hula hooping, dance parties, who knows what else.  SPACE.  space equals freedom...breathing room...more possibilities.  

the past month I've had a bad habit of putting things off.  for example, i don't like all my clothes being disorganized and it's really time to give away the clothes that don't fit since being vegetarian the past year...but I keep saying "i'll do it later"....or i'll put on a pair of shorts that are clearly too big now and i'll use a belt (i hate belts).  my point is that though it's a small issue, the fact that i'm not going through my clothes to give away is causing annoyances every single time i wear those shorts....and it's at least once a week (i don't own much clothing anymore and what i do own is very simple).  
when i go into the kitchen to make a meal i have too many choices if the kitchen is completely fully stocked...it takes forever to decide...i leave and go back in several times before i make a decision finally (unless i'm really craving one particular thing).  it's absurd.  maybe it's just me and others don't have this issue, but i certainly do. 

the older i get the more simplicity i crave in my life...the more i want/need things to be easier when it comes to decision making....i want less stuff so i don't become disorganized.  i crave and love being tidy but when there is too much stuff around it becomes impossible for me to keep it straight.   I've given myself such a hard time for years about "you should learn to be more organized"....or "you are SO messy!".....instead of realizing that i just really prefer less belongings.  anyway,  more and more of my life has become "use what you have" ....or about finding the simple way.   i'm a simple kind of gal and i'm okay with that.  :) 

Summer and sunshine

I'm happier in the sun.  I think better in the sun.  I move more freely in the sun.  I swear I'm more myself in the sun.  I was born in August....in the midst of the sweltering heat for Georgia.  All my favorite things about life thrive because of bright sunlight...sunflowers, watermelon, summer time, peaches, blackberries, wildflower patches and gardens, beach days, pretty much anything associated with summer including myself.  Needless to say, I am in my element these days...my happiest...my most alive.  Life is good.  

make it count

it isn't what you do in a day, it's HOW you do it...are you present?...aware?...grateful?...motivated?...appreciative of what you have?...inspired?...joyful?...

do you go about your day always wishing you were somewhere else?   it's one thing to aspire for greatness or *something more*....but is it at the expense of what moments you have now?

when you're single do you pine after a relationship?  when you're in a relationship do you daydream about being single again?

when you have a home do you wish you could travel all the time?  when you are traveling do you long for a place to call home?

you know what "they" say.....the grass isn't greener on the other side...it's greener where you water it.

spring awakening....

sometimes I gaze outside and I think there is no possible way to explain in words what it all means.   it's LIFE.   it's green growth...birds chirping...it's azaleas beginning to bloom...it's still scraggly branches and limbs waiting to explode into green.  how does one put this into words? it's impossible.  I feel like those scraggly branches and limbs....I wait.  I wait and I feel the anticipation.  I get restless this time of year...when the cold lingers....but today I am aware; I am aware that my time is here.  my seasons are arriving.  I look for things to do to occupy my thoughts while I wait...........I feel the ache.  I feel the pounding of my heart...the throbbing of my soul ....I feel every breeze and gust of wind....if i'm really still I can feel the blooms start to unfurl and become what they were meant to be. 

my books judge me.

i'm not exactly sure why my body keeps waking me up at 3:45am each morning but it does.  what is it called...the bewitching hour or something?  either way, I am wide awake and no chance of falling back asleep.  usually I lay in the dark about 15 minutes trying to lull the muse back to slumberland, but to no avail.  4am hits and I go start coffee. 4:15 I finally give in and take my glasses off and put my contacts in.   4:30am and my computer is on and here I am writing with a hot mug of coffee. 

I have books stacked and lined up on my nightstand...aka two old antique wood crates stacked.  every time I open my computer I feel my books judging me...when I pick up my phone I can feel their icy glares. 

I have a cat that has a purr that could send the world into a state of peace it has never known.  this cat's purr is so enthusiastic and with such intensity that I can't imagine hate living in it's presence. 

my body has been aching for yoga....almost with an ache of a long lost lover...as if my bones, my muscles, my soul already knows how it will shape and shift and slide into each lone void... how it knows this I do not know.  but it knows.  my shoulders whisper to me to drop...to loosen them up...to relax.  my hips urge me to stretch and give them space.  my spinal cord desires extension...and my back?...my back longs to arch and curve and be like a cat.  I give my body a salutation and calm it's urgencies ...I tell it to wait just a bit longer and I will give it the time it needs...so I take it for walks...I hoop...I dance....but no, it's not enough it says....and so I find myself typing in "yoga for beginners" on youtube...."see body, see, I am doing something ...I am googling yoga....."......I glance at my nightstand and feel a shudder.....so I pour my hot coffee down my gullet to warm myself from the chill and begin another day. 

the dark of morning...

it's 6am and I've been up for nearly 2 1/2 hours.  2nd cup of coffee.  roaring hot fire.  photo lamps are on and many earring photos have been taken.  devil makes three is playing on spotify.  I start my day off with putting vitamin E oil under my eyes...it feels greasy and thick and I kinda like it.  the back of my legs are sore from a 1 hour walk uphill yesterday and I kinda like that too.  getting up at a time of the night/morning where the west coast of the country has barely been asleep if not still awake is somehow comforting.  it might be cold outside but I can feel spring making it's way here...it's waiting on this chilly weather to pass as am I.  like a kid waiting in the bathroom line, c'mon hurry hurry  hurry, I can't wait one more second. 

as I sit here staring out into the dark black of the morning I understand that most of me thrives on the sunshine of the daylight, but my gardener soul feels a restoration of spirit in the slow rise before the sun.  there is something about this time of the day that makes me linger on thoughts of what the rest of the world is doing.  the man on the streets, bundled up on the ground, stomach growling and gurgling protesting lack of food to digest...what does he think of this time of day?...does he lay there praying for the sun to rise and warm up the darkness of his spirit?  what about the girl on the streets, selling herself to put food in her belly, to feed her kids, to make ends meet...what does she think about it?  what about the child who is waking up grudgingly to get ready for school?...the family that is sitting in a hospital waiting on news about a loved one?.........all these people, all this life, racing around yet in this hour it moves slow.   in this hour I see it all...I feel it all....I remember what it's all about in this hour.